The leaves let go, the seeds let go, and I must let go sometimes, too. Robert Fulghum
I've lost a lot of things in my life. I've buried both of my parents. I've cried over lost babies and dreams. I have a sibling that I choose not to have a relationship with and one that chose for me. My wallet. My keys. At times I may have even lost my mind. But right now I feel like I've lost a piece of myself.
I don't trust easily. I am a pessimist to the core. I jump to the dark place. I know these things about myself and wonder in awe how it is that I have been blessed with friends that know all of this and love me anyway. Love me in spite of my flaws. Perhaps, even because of them.
Last week, I lost a close friend - a member of my inner circle. Not through death but through stupidity and immaturity. It is still a month until Yom Kippur but like all good Jews I was taught to ask for forgiveness every day. Forgiveness from those that I have wronged. Forgiveness from G-d. And, forgiveness from myself. I have done all these things but some things can be repaired and some things can not. They say time is the greatest healer... we shall see.
When something is lost, often in searching for it we find other things of equal or even greater value. Right now, I am reminded of the love of those that have stood by me through the years and provided me strength. Those that have laughed with me. Cried with me. Traveled the path with me -- providing a compass when I most needed direction. Those that love me in spite of myself. Despite the barriers I erect. I have let them in and they have chosen to stay. For good. For bad. For everything.
Dear Friends, each of you make me a better person, whether you know it or not. I am honored to have you in my life. I am overjoyed to have found you and to be able to call you "friend". I hope I never do anything stupid along the way to hurt you. But when I do, I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me for being who I am... flawed.
Monday, August 16, 2010
ch-ch-changes
I watch the ripples change their size
But never leave the stream
Of warm impermanence and
So the days float through my eyes
But still the days seem the same
And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Are immune to your consultations
They're quite aware of what they're going through
Change can be good. Change can be scary. Change can be exciting. Change is necessary.
Justin has Asperger's, that's a given in our life. Like most Aspies, change is difficult for him, and therefore for us as well. We never know how he'll react. Some changes we assume to be mild can set him off and others he ignores and adapts to silently. Change for us is... unpredictable.
Justin is a great kid. Ask anyone. He's bright and loving and incredibly book smart. But, he struggles in social situations and he overwhelms easily. Those traits are hard to deal with. Especially when you are a 12 year old boy in middle school. Justin is our impetus for change.
We encourage Justin to adapt to the world around him. Don't stand so close to strangers. Don't constantly hug and pet us. Lower your voice. Stop making noises. Don't act weird. But the years of forcing Justin to adapt to a school environment that is not conducive to HIS learning style is over. We have spent eight years being beaten down by a school system that does not understand his challenges. Change is here.
Today Justin starts a new chapter in his education. Gone (we hope) is the name calling and the bullying. Gone are the large classes and loud bells and passing periods. Gone is the stress of being like the other kids - a feat he will never achieve. Today is the first day of success and we are excited... and (I will admit) a little scared... But we all know change is necessary for Justin to thrive. Change is good.
But never leave the stream
Of warm impermanence and
So the days float through my eyes
But still the days seem the same
And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Are immune to your consultations
They're quite aware of what they're going through
Change can be good. Change can be scary. Change can be exciting. Change is necessary.Justin has Asperger's, that's a given in our life. Like most Aspies, change is difficult for him, and therefore for us as well. We never know how he'll react. Some changes we assume to be mild can set him off and others he ignores and adapts to silently. Change for us is... unpredictable.
Justin is a great kid. Ask anyone. He's bright and loving and incredibly book smart. But, he struggles in social situations and he overwhelms easily. Those traits are hard to deal with. Especially when you are a 12 year old boy in middle school. Justin is our impetus for change.
We encourage Justin to adapt to the world around him. Don't stand so close to strangers. Don't constantly hug and pet us. Lower your voice. Stop making noises. Don't act weird. But the years of forcing Justin to adapt to a school environment that is not conducive to HIS learning style is over. We have spent eight years being beaten down by a school system that does not understand his challenges. Change is here.
Today Justin starts a new chapter in his education. Gone (we hope) is the name calling and the bullying. Gone are the large classes and loud bells and passing periods. Gone is the stress of being like the other kids - a feat he will never achieve. Today is the first day of success and we are excited... and (I will admit) a little scared... But we all know change is necessary for Justin to thrive. Change is good.
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